Sunday, March 13, 2011

Friday, June 5, 2009

Soul Man

(What follows is a craigslist blurb I posted advertising a room to rent in NYC, and some of the responses...)


$300 Room to rent for Intelligent, Open Person (East Village)

Hello everyone.

First, let me tell you the details of my apartment. It is a two-story walk-up off north 5th street, close to Berry, and only 3 blocks to the Bedford L-Train. The room is 15x17, fully furnished, and has central heating and air conditioning. The other room is mine, across the apartment, and we'd share a spacious kitchen and living room. I have cable, high speed internet, and a big screen tv. These are all yours to use at any time.

A bit about me: I'm a 25 year-old, independently wealthy male. I don't like to talk about where my money came from, and request that you never ask to know.

As I said, the room is free, on one condition:

You must sell me your soul.

This is no joke. I collect souls, and in order to live cheaply in a great part of Williamsburg, I require yours.

What this entails:

1) You will sign a 1-page contract I prepare which states, unequivocally, that upon certification by a notary public, I will be in possession of your soul. I will get the contract notarized.

2) A sample of your blood to put on the contract. This will be conducted in a safe and sterile hospital-like setting. Ever given blood, or needed a sample for other medical purposes? This is ten times easier.

Once I have your soul, you won't have to interact with me ever again, if that suits you. I basically stay out of my roommates' lives (I've gone through seven in the past year), and am almost never in the apartment. If you're ever hard up for money, I can also help in this regard.

Please only respond if you are serious about giving me your soul. I know many do not take this thing seriously, but please understand that I will never give it back. Some of my past roommates have become quite uncomfortable with the situation after initial scoffing, and two have even taken legal measures to try to regain their souls. All have failed.

I think that about covers it. Drop me a line if you'd like to sell me your soul. Interest in mountain biking is a plus. No cats, please!


Corey says...

I'm a model/student/actor coming from oklahoma desperately needing a place...and wow this is desperate, but I'm very interested. I also have my own money, but it doesn't sound like as much as you have!!

Greta says...

I am a 26-year-old interested in a cheap room in the village. I don't have any pets, am clean and neat and spend most of my time reading. I have a road bike and love it, but haven't mountain biked, not that I wouldn't love to try it. I'd be interested in a one-year lease at most. Obviously, your posting prompted questions of personal safety. I am an agnostic, skeptical of the existence of an afterlife; but if selling my soul would have any impact on my earthly existence I would not be interested. Would you be willing to explain what compelled your previous roommates to regret their decisions?

Andrew says...

Hello sir,
I happen to have 1 soul in fairly good condition that I seldom make use of and have been meaning to unload. This arrangement would thus be mutually beneficial.

The soul was kept in good shape until a devestating loss of religious faith occurred at about age 16. It has thus been neglected somewhat over the past five years, which really has only served to add a bit of rustic charm. I should also disclose that cockroaches have been spotted in my current dwelling, and therefore it is theoretically possible that the soul has cockroaches or cockroach eggs residing in its recesses.

I have no cats and enjoy riding mountain bikes

Nancy says...

you must be super bored to be some sort of "patron" that let's people stay in your apartment for $300. i don't know how you legally sign off your soul. i wonder what kind of paper work you have put together. i'll "sell" you my soul, if you also sign my contract.

Matthew says...

Hi there,

Have a soul to sell. But I don't really like needles. Any way to get around that thorny (spiky) point? Otherwise, where do I sign?

Michael says...

If I give you my soul, in exchange for a room, what do you intend to do with it? What if I'm not even sure I have a soul? Then what?

Olivia says...

Hey there, I came across your ad on craigslist. I am 19, been travelling around for the last 4 monthes, hitch hiking around the united states, exploring freedom and finding happiness and many journeys. I make jewelry and sell it on the road wherever I go. I'm currently in new York trying to save up money to buy a van and drive to burning man festival in September.
I am willing to give you my soul in order to stay in a cheap apartment so I can save up money for my travels.

Emily says...

I’m very interested in this proposition. Do you think you might let me know where the souls go once you gather them? Maybe in a Jar, a coffin, or maybe something really cool I don’t even know about. Either way I think you’ve found yourself a new roomie!

Justin says...

Hi, my name is Justin. This is the second time I'm writing to you about the about. I'm very interested in the place and would really like to take you up on what your asking. I work for Red Lobster in the city.

Yan says...

Can we set up a time for me to see the place? Weekdays after 5 would be best for me. Also, would it be possible for me to use a guarantor's soul instead? As a poor hungry grad student, a soul is just among the things I am currently deficient in. Thanks for your time!

Linh says...

you are a sick person. i like it. are you single? im 23 and a male. im asian and cute xoxo xxxxxxxxxx is my number. im coming to manhattan thursday and friday.

Senem says...

Dear Soul Collector,

Just when I have been yearning for my personal Mephistopheles, I find you on craigslist of all places. Unfortunately, I was not too pleased with your offer. Considering the fact that I have spent the last month on my friend's couch (and will possibly spend this one on it as well), I should have been ecstatic and unrealistically hopeful about your offer but I had to settle for mild disappointment. I realize housing is a tough issue that everyone has to deal with in this city, but is only a room worth anyone's soul let alone mine? No, sir. And your end of the bargain does not seem to bright either. You don't even have a soul criteria, something like:

- Non-narcissist a must
- Awareness of one's surroundings desirable
- Non-religious preferred but not required

In this day and age, you can't just buy everything that comes across, and hope that it'll work out for the best. You probably collected some pretty rotten souls already, why get more? Devise a soul collecting system to rule out the undesirables, and add in a few more goodies to your offer other than vague money borrowing advantages.

Eric says...

What happens to me if I sell my soul?

Katie says...

Nice ad. I’d absolutely sell you my soul, or whatever remains of it if it exists at all. I’m 27 F, work on the UES, tidy but not freakishly neat, likes crossword puzzles, nonsmoking drinker.

John says...

Despite being one of the most bizarre craigslist postings I've seen since the couple who would frequently kick the renter out so they could host BDSM parties, I just might be interested. I'll need a place to stay starting July 1st, and $300 a month just can't be beat. Any more info you can give? I've got a month to figure this out. Oh, and I have no problem with selling my soul.

William says...

I'm not moving to the city until August, but it seems like you might have another opening by then. I currently have possession of a soul that I acquired a few years back in exchange for a black hoodie. I also have a fairly impressive charm bag.

Wes says...

I have a few brief questions regarding your Craig's list posting. I am very interested in your offer.

1. How would the terms of the contract be altered considering I only have a partial soul? I rented exactly 1/3 of my soul to a previous renter. However, I did not sign that contract in blood. Is the contract still binding?

2. Is religious affiliation of any importance?

3. What assurances can be made that my soul would be kept securely in your possession?

Kelly says...

Hi this is Faust, I am interested in your offer. Please let me know
when I can see the room. thanks.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Horse Play

(What follows is a craigslist blurb I posted advertising a room to rent in NYC, and some of the responses...)


What's up,

I'm writing to offer a nice place in the East Village, on 3rd Street between 2nd and 3rd Avenue. It's one bedroom in a two bedroom share, so you'll have your room, 19x12, and a private bathroom. We share a kitchen and a common area. Your room comes furnished with a full-size bed, air conditioning, and a nice oak dresser you can keep or leave as you see fit. The common living room is pretty nice, with a leather sofa and fateuil chair, and a projector system set up for movies and cable.

Utilities generally come to about 60 dollars a month, 90 at most in the hot months, so you'll never pay more than 800. Personally, I think I'm a pretty good roommate, respectable, kind, and almost never there. I travel a lot for my job, so you'll mostly have the joint to yourself. I only ask that you be respectful, courteous, and clean.

Also, I should mention that I have two horses who stay in the apartment. The youngest is a three year-old Bay filly named Atlantic Susie, and the older fellow is a four year-old Arabian gelding named Uncle Michael's Wedding. These two sweethearts are generally pretty even-tempered, but there currently are no locks on the interior doors, so they definitely have the run of the place, and they don't like to sit still. You might wake up to a friendly cold-nosed visitor some nights, lol! If you do move in, I'll give you a bucket of oats and grains so that when they approach you can feed them and send them on their way. Don't worry- when I'm away, I hire someone to feed and bathe them, so you won't be responsible for that.

Send me an e-mail if you're interested. Thanks!


Paradee says...

Hi, I have to say this all sounded well and good until you mentioned mister ed. Im sorry but I don’t understand how you have two horses running aound the place. Are they ponies? Do they poop every where? Is that even legal?

Jon says...

I'm curious about the equine share. I have been known to care for an animal or two, but am petless at the moment.

Victor says...

This seems to good to be true ....Im neat and motivated so I will do my share in keeping the place clean. As for the Horses no Problem as long as they dont eat my frosted flakes and drink my coffee...

Zoe says...

Are the horses for real? How high are the ceilings in this place? Do your neighbors complain about the clomping hooves?

Do they poo inside?

Possible smell aside, I think this sounds amazing.

Gyoyoon says...

I'm interested in your room and have question.
Each bedroom has own bathroom? How can the horses stay at home? I guess it's not enough to stay.

Maristella says...

i have a friend moving in Ny from Italy at the end of June.
Are you looking for a female or male roommate?
And, what do you mean for 2 "horses"??

Katie says...

I saw your ad posted on Craigslist and am definitely interested... Oh, and slightly intrigued as well. I am wondering how the heck you have the room to cram 2 horses in a 2 bedroom apartment? :-)

Klara says...

I would love to come by to
see the apt if you're at all available tomorrow?

Thanks! Just curious, are you serious about the horses...?

Katina says...

i was just wondering: how do your horses get enough exercise? do you take them out on a regular basis?

Just curious.

Nira says...

I am clean, friendly and currently live on the les, i love the neighborhood, but my apt needs a lot of construction work which I can't afford. I would love to come by your place (which sounds amazing!) and meet your horses.

Dana says...

I'm really interested in your apartment... let me know if it's still available. And, no worries, I dated a horse farmer once, so as long as I take some claritin, I will be fine.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

History Repeated

(What follows is a craigslist blurb I posted advertising a room to rent in NYC, and some of the 50+ responses...)


$740 Prospect Park - Great 1BR in a 2BR

Good day,

I'm writing today with a terrifi-COMMUNIST MANIFESTO!-terrific offer on a nice apartment in Prospect Pa-MAGNA CARTA DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE!- Prospect Park.

The bedroom you'd be renting is approxima-THE 95 THESES!-roughly 18x12, so you can see it's very large.

We have air conditi-FEDERALIST PAPERS COMMON SENSE ARTICLES OF CONFEDERATION!-conditioning, heat in the winter, and a large kitchen and bathro-TENNIS COURT OATH!-bathroom.

The only catch is that I have a rare for-BAYEUX TAPESTRY! US CONSTITUTION!-a rare form of Tourette's Syndrome where I loudly shout famous historical documents.

If this is no problem and you're interested, send me an-GUTTENBERG BIBLE! PARIS PEACE TREATY! THE ORIGINAL TEXT OF BEOWULF!- ahem...send me an e-mail.


Joe says...

I don't mind the Tourette's as the place sounds great. Would it be possible to come see it sometime soon?

Stan says...

I read your Craigslist description and had a few
questions. What utilities have to paid monthly, and
what would the share be for that? Do you have any
photos of the place? If you have any questions about
me, feel free to ask. Thanks and good luck with your

Matt says...

Ye Gods, I seek an apartment with a lunatic! Maybe lunatic is too strong a word...maybe you are laying the groundwork for a truly understanding roommate...or maybe this is some massive joke - I can't tell...I've never seen an ad like that and I'm not sure how seriously to take it.

Eric says...

My uncle is the specialist for treating such pathologies, but he only deals with French events unfortunately...

Atiba says...

My name is Atiba and I'm writing in response to your ad about the
Prospect Park apartment share. I'm a 28-year-old gay guy getting my
Ph.D. in American history at NYU (which might make me uniquely capable
of sympathy for your... um... condition).

Anyway, I would be interested in meeting you, observing your condition
at firsthand, and getting a look at the bedroom that's available.

Annie says...

Is the original text of Beowulf technically a famous historical document? I mean, I know that some of the later texts of Beowulf are, but the original??
I'm interested in the room.
Speaking of the Magna Carta, did you know that Ross Perot bought an original copy in England?

Melanie says...

I am a swiss girl, coming for an intern in home yet...desperate but not housewife, gutemberg did I write you. The only treaty I know is: l'abolition des droits de M.Bush au gouvernement americain!

Elsa says...

I'm sure you'll be getting many responses, considering how reasonable the rent is, although maybe not, considering the exuberant posting, but I thought I'd give it a shot anyway.

David says...

Tourettes is a very Dada disorder......and I'm cool with that. Can I see the room?

Kevin says...

The room sounds great and if it is still available I'd like to check it out. As far as the yelling is concerned, I usually scream out names of Kosher Delis when I'm sleeping, maybe we can combine our outbursts and form a whole psychological condition people will need pills for.

I can see it now "Hey how's the WIENSTIEN"S DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE new job treating you."

Koa says...

I just read your posting on CL.. sounds like it could be a good match. I have no problem with your historical outbursts.

David says...

It's a very sad state of affairs when I wish this wasn't a joke.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

I Think He Nose

(What follows is a craigslist blurb I posted advertising a room to rent in NYC, and some of the 50+ responses...)


$650 Affordable, beautiful room in Chelsea for tolerant soul


First, thanks for reading my post. I know you have a lot of places to choose from, and I’m pleased that you’re considering ours. My name is Rebecca, and I’m writing with a pretty wonderful offer on a beautiful home in Chelsea.

I live with my husband, Vincent, in our lovely two-bedroom walk-up on west 22nd street. We’re looking to rent the other room, which is approximately 17 x 20 and fully furnished. Vincent and I are committed to making this apartment a “home,” and therefore we would be looking for someone who could be friendly and engaging around the apartment. In this scenario, the right person is everything, which is why we’re only looking for $650 in rent, utilities included.

Your room has a built-in air conditioner, an ample closet, and an oriental rug Vincent and I like to keep clean. You can feel free to bring any pets you want, although we currently have none. We only ask that you don’t smoke in the house.

When I said before that the right person is everything, what I mean is that you must be tolerant. You see, my husband Vincent, the love of my life, has a congenital physical defect (although I consider it an 'attribute') that can repulse people with closed minds. What I mean to say is this: Vincent has a second nose. It sits directly above his “normal” nose, between his eyes, with the one nostril spanning the area between his eyebrows. Yes, you read that correctly: the second nose has only one nostril. It is vaguely in the shape of a “half” nose. To get an idea, use a piece of cardboard or other material to cover one half of your nose, vertically, and look in the mirror. Then pretend the half-nose you see is located near your brow.

It would be easy, and cruel, for you to make fun of this structural anomaly, but the truth is that it’s given Vincent a heightened sense of smell. He’s become one of the top wine tasters in all of Chelsea, and it’s likely this wouldn’t have been possible without the second nose, as smell is crucial in wine tasting.

Anyway, the roommate would have to be able to deal with this defect (which I admit can be visually ‘surprising’) like a true gentleman or gentlewoman. There can be no jokes made at his expense, or even signs of discomfort. We are looking for someone who can embrace the difference, as the French say. In your reply, please indicate experiences in your life which would prepare you to deal with Vincent’s second nose.

As a last bit, please be aware that you must avoid any strong odors within the house. Even the slightest smell of incense in your room, or a wet newspaper, will set Vincent off. Again, his sense of smell is incredibly strong. A group of scientists once measured the actual distance of his odor-detecting mechanisms, and it turned out he could smell cooking bacon up to three miles away. And that’s with no wind. There may even be a documentary in the works, but we’re still in the discussion stages.

Okay, thank you for reading! Please e-mail me back if you’re interested in the room. Let me know what kind of music you like. A love for mountain biking is a huge plus! Thanks,



Gloria says...

hi, i'm looking for a ny apartment and yours sounds great!

what i would like, please, is a pic of vincent's face. i need to know if i can handle it or not. thank you so much, have a great night!

Dominic says...

Rebecca, the place sounds great. I love unique bodies. I'd love to check out the place sometime soon.

Zosia says...

I am interested in your room in your house and I would love to see some pictures of the space if you have them. About your husband, I love wine and if he knows the best wine I can't wait to meet you both. I am also interested in teaching special needs students and while I understand that your husband is fully functional many times in my life I have had experiences with people that have extreme congenital physical defects, and for me there is never anything wrong just different.

Jared says...

Hello! Your letter was so...intriguing. First off, I want to commend you for your honesty and your obvious devotion to your partner; it is quite refreshing. I would love to live around people who obviously have a highly developed sense of empathy and tolerance. I am used to judgements being made and having to feel as if I am not "normal", so I can definitely understand the need for looking beyond the surface.

Matt says...

I'll start of by saying, I for one deeply appreciate a quality glass of wine,
but know little about discerning the subtle hints of flavor that distinguish different bottles and kinds of wine. It would be a delight to call such a renowned expert my roommate.

But let's be upfront here. As humans we are trained before we can speak to suddenly find fasnition in that which we've never seen before. And hopefully, with consciousness, we learn to embrace that and not dwell or reject that. That is to say, I've seen stranger things, especially in the behavior of other people.

It's all about communication and respect. I for one in all honesty don't mind the smell of a skunk. One man's aroma is another's fine perfume. So as long as Vincent is ok expressing his discomfort with a smell, I'm more than fine with minding how much garlic I put in my soup (not that I'm all that big on garlic) if you know what I mean.

To conclude. If you want to talk briefly about my experience with other's with 'abnormalities' I seriously dated a girl that had a sister with down syndrome. I've had midget friends. Heck, I myself have an abnormal fear of
uncooked chicken.

Kelly says...

You are offering a great deal on rooms, and although I am fairly intolerant, I do love mountain biking!

Ok that was a joke.

Anyway I am moving to New York fairly soon, around June 15th, and would love to meet you and Vincent and check out both properties, if they exist and are still available.

Wish I had Vincent's noses, so that I could smell whether this was fake or not. Hope for the best!

Marco says...

As for Vincent, truly I find it rather remarkable. Growing up gay, I learned to cherish tolerance, and appreciate open people. I am very accepting of everything, and pride myself in my ability to adapt to, and appreciate different people and situations. Also, my mom is becoming a sommelier, and is quite the wine conoisseur. I myself enjoy wine very much (even though the drinking age in the USA is 21). For him to have such a big talent with wine tasting is very interesting. It reminds me of the movie Perfume, I'm sure you've seen it.

David says...

I debated writing you for some time because my own experiences both academically and professionally have been drawn together by questions of varying physical, medical, and societal difference, inequality, but also parity. As an anthropologist I have investigated religious practices in certain subarctic tribes in which hermaphroditic individuals are allotted a vital position as shamans and facilitators of religious expression. Working in a community health center, the level of ridicule reserved for those with childhood obesity struck me as comparable to the ridicule endured by those with physical disabilities. I actually began thinking about this while watching a friend’s production of “The Miracle Worker” (it’s about the life of Helen Keller if you’re not familiar with it). I recently began studying ancient Greek and again it seemed remarkable that while certain states in ancient Greece were notoriously intolerant of difference (the Spartans exposed children thought to be too deformed to have a place in their world) one of the most celebrated Greek deities (Hephaestus) is recognized by his disability as much as by his blacksmithing. All this by means to say that much of my relationship to difference is also a process of individual discovery: if I were unable to extend my mind around physical and societal difference I’m not so sure there would be any hope for my own redemption. I mean this not in a religious sense, but more in the sense of a reckoning.

Brian says...

I love to ride my bike around the city and on trails. I also enjoy hiking as well. I am fond of a wide variety of live music, in particular I like jazz, funk, and rock. Last week I went to see the Dirty Dozen Brass Band.

In no way do I see Vincent as having a problem, rather an advantage. Everyone has something valuable to offer; it sounds like Vincent is blessed with an exceptional gift.

Kate says...

I cannot imagine having any difficulities with you and your husband. Its sounds like you two have a beautiful marriage and I am not the type of person to engage in any kind of disrespect. As you said, "celebrate the difference". Bottom line, from me, you will never have a problem. As I said before, I work as a bar manager and have been learning about French and Californian wines, so I would be interested to learn anything your husband has to share about wine tasting.

Steven says...

I'm very interesting about your annoncement.
I send you a picture of me during the work of chefs de france ( Epcot Florida .)
I'm very clean guy , serious , professionel
For the smell , i won't cook a lot in the appartement that is to say i gonna eat in the restaurant where i gonna work.
By the way i will bring him a good french wine.

Willie says...

I have simply 5 rules of buddism to make my life and others easy.

1.No kill or harm to anyone.
2.No steel.
3.No cheating on couple.
4.No lie,no gossip,
5.No drink or drugs (but now I have to taste wine for my job)

Julie says...

I'm definitely a tolerant soul. I appreciate our differences and the unique perspective our life experiences allow us to offer one another - it one of the things that makes life rich and textured.

Lauren says...

I do wear perfume. None of those yucky cheap sents. I wear a chanel perfume, a juicy couture one, and sometimes a calvin cline as well. On occasion, I burn very light, clean sented clean cotton from yankee candle...nothing heavy sented at all.

Linda says...

Do you have any photos?

Joe says...

As for Vincent and his attribute, more power to him. I have the defect of having only one nose, so if that is alright with him and he doesn't make fun of my inept sense of smell, I would love to live with the both of you.

Michelle says...

First of all, are you serious or is this post a joke?
If it’s not a joke, I am interested in seeing the place. I don’t care about body parts for a sweet deal in the west village, if this is really for real, but I’m sorry, your post just sounds like a hipster making a documentary.

David says...

I'd first like to say that I'm so sorry to hear about Vincent's condition and you sound like a strong and goodhearted woman. I think I would make the perfect candidate for your new roommate. I am very clean, I don't smoke at all, and I've been told before that I don't even have an odor! (My friends might have just been trying to be nice) I am not judgmental at all. In fact, my mother and younger brother are both retarded and look, as you might say, shocking. When we're are all the dinner table trying to eat and they have their tongues hanging out from the side of their mouths like bad shaved poodles with bells palsy I just keep chewing, shut my eyes, and then I try my best to swallow without throwing up all over them. All over my family. So, I hope that we can make this work!

Tyler says...

How does Vincent feel about D&G light blue? It’s my favorite perfume. Other than that I think things would be okay.

Don’t be fooled by the name, I guess my parents wanted a boy.

Monday, June 1, 2009

This guy seems pretty cool...

(What follows is a craigslist blurb I posted advertising a room to rent in NYC, and 3 responses...)


Hello potential awesome roommate!

My name's Ron Fariglia, and I have a life-changing house deal!

A room in my two bedroom apartment just opened up, and I'm trying to fill it anytime between now and October 1st.

Like rooftops? Check. Like big bedrooms? How's 12x16? Air conditioning, heat, cable, internet, all included free of charge? Check check check check.

Or, should I say, check mate! LOL!

Haha, I'm just kidding. I can get really silly at times. But that's what life is about: having a good time.

Seriously though, those are the details. The living room is also really big. Plus, I'm very lenient as a roommate. Bring friends over! I don't care! The more the scarier! Weeeeeeeee!

We're located four blocks away from the Bedford Avenue L-train stop, which is less than ten minutes to Union Square. No sleep til downtown!

What a deal, right? I'm looking for females only, please, because I find that they're the neatest and most respectful. Send me an e-mail if you're interested.

Oh, and I should mention that around the house, I never wear pants or underwear. I always wear shirts, because I'm a little shy about some old burn marks on my chest and stomach. However, the shirts are not long enough to cover my bare genitals. That's just a heads-up.

I hope to hear from you soon!


Jovanna says...

Do you really never wear underwear or pants?

Lucy says...

Bunny slippers and a Santa Claus hat is all I wear around the house. You sound crazy, I mean unique. Can I come see your place?

Dan says...

You're a freak. U have to be kidding with that ad. If you r serious whicvh i doubt u r, I would be interested who actually responds with serious inquiries.

Craigslist says...

Your posting has been removed by the craigslist community.
Several craigslist readers flagged it for being inappropriate as posted.

Friday, May 29, 2009

The Joy of Cola

(What follows is a craigslist blurb I posted advertising a room to rent in NYC, and some of the 100+ responses...)


$850 1BR in a 3BR - great value, for October 1st! (East Village)


My name is Jason Pepsi, and I'm writing with an excellent deal on an apartment in Manhattan's East Village. Our third roommate is moving out on October 1st, and we need someone to fill his spot. The room is large, 10x14, and will come pre-furnished if you prefer. The rent price includes all utilities, cable, internet, and use of our spacious living room and shared bathroom.

Some things need to be made clear.

As I mentioned, my name is Jason Pepsi. Obviously, this name carries certain connotations. Maybe some jokes have already occurred to you. Please don't share them in your e-mail. And before you ask, no, I am not related in any way to the gentleman who invented Pepsi. Pepsi-Cola is an anagram of 'Episcopal,' a church across the street from the place of original invention. And no, I don't know why they named it after a church. Nor am I curious.

I have gone through a lifetime of being mocked for sharing a name with a famous soft drink, and it continues to be a problem. When I'm home, I don't like to be reminded of the hardships I face throughout the day.

This means:

1) Do not make any cute jokes about Pepsi.
2) Do not attempt to have a serious or compassionate discussion with me about my last name.
3) Do not make offhand comments such as "man, that's weird how you have the same last name as a soda."
4) Do not drink Pepsi in the house.
5) Do not come home with the odor of Pepsi on your breath.
6) Brief all your friends on my last name before they visit, so they won't ask any inane questions.
7) Try your best to avoid using the words "pep" and "see." See also: "sea," "see?" and the letter 'c.'

A common question I get is, "why don't you just change your name?"

Trust me, I've tried. For years I wrote letters to the proper authorities, and the government didn't respond. Finally, my application went through. I thought my name would soon be "Jason Thurgood." Thurgood is my mother's maiden name. However, due to a mix-up at the Probate Court, they left 'Pepsi' alone while mistakenly changing my first name. According to the US government, I'm now "Thurgood Pepsi."

I still go by Jason Pepsi, and I don't have the time or three thousand dollars needed to undergo the process again.

Now that you're briefed, please send me an e-mail which lets me know in no uncertain terms that you are serious about respecting my wishes. Only very thorough applicants will be considered.

Please also have at least passing knowledge of the actor Johnny Depp. I think he's great.


Autumn says...

First of all... Are you serious? Having Pepsi as a last name is really not that serious. I hope this is a joke.

Monika says...

Hello Jason!

Just came across your post on craigslist and the place sounds great. I just have some questions about your rules: now, I'm an avid mountain dew drinker, and since that particular beverage is created by the same "unmentionable" company that shares your last name, will mountain dew be restricted as well? What about Fritos...and Tropicana Orange Juice? I don't mean to be disrespectful, but I just want to get things straight before we move forward. Let me know and hopefully we can work something out...I can get a mini-fridge or something! Thanks!

Patrick says...

Hello Jason,

Replying to your Craig's List posting.

I appreciate your situation. Making fun of anyone's name is bad form and rude at best. Thats all I can say about that issue.

I usually drink seltzer myself.

Depp is one of the better film actors working these days.

Jennifer says...

Can we chat about the room? Coke rules!

Cachet says...

Are u serious? I really hope you are mocking yourself here...... if you are serious, please seek therapy quickly.

Emmanuelle says...

Okay... for starters, anyone who puts that much effort into a craigslist add surely deserves some respect, lets just clarify one thing before I begin with the usual adjectives one uses to describe themselves on craigs list... Are you in any way affiliated or happens to be the with guy who wants future possible roomates to be comfortable with nudity or disrobe on command!? Are you in any way related to or affiliated to the elderly man who is looking for some "company" in exchange for a room in the yuppy ghettos commonly known as the East Village! If your add is indeed legit and is not a cover for the afore mentioned men... then i think we may be able to help each other! I keep mum about the whole last name psychosis, which in my professional opinion has stemmed from years of parental neglect...

Chip says...

Hello, My name is Chip, and if you can imagine w/ a name like Chip, I, too have endured many a day of ridicule and un-original banter due to my name.

Ashok says...

Yes, johnny depp is rather a good actor, and one of my favs. Consider all wishes with regards to moniker respected, and nothing more shall be mentioned beyond that. I just wanna live in a great place in the East Village. Simple.

Jody says...

Dearest Jason -

Six generations ago, my great-great-great-uncle Al Pepper travelled to
this country seeking a better life for his 17 children and three
mules. He built our family from poor manure-shovellers into a
well-educated, cultured clan of respectable professionals. But despite
the fact that every member of my family has gone on to earn a
doctorate in virtually every field imaginable, we have been saddled
with ridicule and scorn; the suppressed chortle when our name is
announced ("Paging Dr. Pepper..."); the innocent but still biting
questions from little children.

Richard says...

Don't like or drink cokes competitor and can understand how you feel. I grew up being called Dick (short for Richard) and family and old friends still call me

Stef says...

I may not have your same name shame (although I do have mad rhymez as such), but I do feel your pain. I also promise to never come home with that 'substance' on my breath, being that I am a Total Fucking Health-Nut and usually drink a lot of tea. Soda makes you obese anyway, and being obese is being an asshole to everyone who wants to catch the train while you're lumbering in front of them.

I can assure you that am not an asshole, Jason. I am awesome.

Matt says...

I'm interested in the apartment you listed on Craig's list. I think I can handle the Pepsi thing (I'm a coke fan, for whatever reason - but would you be able to differentiate between the smell of coke and pepsi?) Also, Johnny Depp is one of my favorite actors.

Reuben says...

My previous roommate's name was Bob
Sprite and my dentist is named Dr. Steven F. Pepper. ok those are
both lies and you probably don't want to live with me anymore. but
i'd still like to check out the place.

------- Furlik says...


I read your post and laughed out loud which leads me to believe that we'd get along pretty well. I feel your pain brother... While it may not look like it, the name is pronounced "fur-lick" so I've been the brunt of a joke or two myself, if you can believe that.

Savannah says...

I WANT TO LIVE WITH YOU! I think that your great. I too have a name issue, I don't dare compare it to your name issue. It seems like you have some real issues. No but my name is Savannah. No I am not from the south, no I have never been to the south, and if you have extensive knowledge of early Wb shows. NO I WAS NOT NAMED AFTER THE SHOW SAVANNAH. IT CAME OUT WHEN I WAS 8.

------- Kummer says...


Your apartment sounds great. My last name is Kummer.

Todd says...

The thing about Pepsi though is that it is one of the worst tasting selections in the soda universe. I would imagine having a name like that you would have be so frustrated. Not that it’s just a soda, but why not a better soda. Like Jason TAB, or Jason MOXIE. Now there is a last name for you. In your posting where you stated 3 sentences about the actual room that you will are looking to rent out and about 750 words on the different connotations of your name I am willing to bet that you are not at all an irrational individual who would name his kid – Diet, just to “pass the buck” of the torturous last name…

bj lo says...

That must have been the most retarded add Ive ever seen. who cares about ur fucking name!