Friday, June 5, 2009

Soul Man

(What follows is a craigslist blurb I posted advertising a room to rent in NYC, and some of the responses...)


$300 Room to rent for Intelligent, Open Person (East Village)

Hello everyone.

First, let me tell you the details of my apartment. It is a two-story walk-up off north 5th street, close to Berry, and only 3 blocks to the Bedford L-Train. The room is 15x17, fully furnished, and has central heating and air conditioning. The other room is mine, across the apartment, and we'd share a spacious kitchen and living room. I have cable, high speed internet, and a big screen tv. These are all yours to use at any time.

A bit about me: I'm a 25 year-old, independently wealthy male. I don't like to talk about where my money came from, and request that you never ask to know.

As I said, the room is free, on one condition:

You must sell me your soul.

This is no joke. I collect souls, and in order to live cheaply in a great part of Williamsburg, I require yours.

What this entails:

1) You will sign a 1-page contract I prepare which states, unequivocally, that upon certification by a notary public, I will be in possession of your soul. I will get the contract notarized.

2) A sample of your blood to put on the contract. This will be conducted in a safe and sterile hospital-like setting. Ever given blood, or needed a sample for other medical purposes? This is ten times easier.

Once I have your soul, you won't have to interact with me ever again, if that suits you. I basically stay out of my roommates' lives (I've gone through seven in the past year), and am almost never in the apartment. If you're ever hard up for money, I can also help in this regard.

Please only respond if you are serious about giving me your soul. I know many do not take this thing seriously, but please understand that I will never give it back. Some of my past roommates have become quite uncomfortable with the situation after initial scoffing, and two have even taken legal measures to try to regain their souls. All have failed.

I think that about covers it. Drop me a line if you'd like to sell me your soul. Interest in mountain biking is a plus. No cats, please!


Corey says...

I'm a model/student/actor coming from oklahoma desperately needing a place...and wow this is desperate, but I'm very interested. I also have my own money, but it doesn't sound like as much as you have!!

Greta says...

I am a 26-year-old interested in a cheap room in the village. I don't have any pets, am clean and neat and spend most of my time reading. I have a road bike and love it, but haven't mountain biked, not that I wouldn't love to try it. I'd be interested in a one-year lease at most. Obviously, your posting prompted questions of personal safety. I am an agnostic, skeptical of the existence of an afterlife; but if selling my soul would have any impact on my earthly existence I would not be interested. Would you be willing to explain what compelled your previous roommates to regret their decisions?

Andrew says...

Hello sir,
I happen to have 1 soul in fairly good condition that I seldom make use of and have been meaning to unload. This arrangement would thus be mutually beneficial.

The soul was kept in good shape until a devestating loss of religious faith occurred at about age 16. It has thus been neglected somewhat over the past five years, which really has only served to add a bit of rustic charm. I should also disclose that cockroaches have been spotted in my current dwelling, and therefore it is theoretically possible that the soul has cockroaches or cockroach eggs residing in its recesses.

I have no cats and enjoy riding mountain bikes

Nancy says...

you must be super bored to be some sort of "patron" that let's people stay in your apartment for $300. i don't know how you legally sign off your soul. i wonder what kind of paper work you have put together. i'll "sell" you my soul, if you also sign my contract.

Matthew says...

Hi there,

Have a soul to sell. But I don't really like needles. Any way to get around that thorny (spiky) point? Otherwise, where do I sign?

Michael says...

If I give you my soul, in exchange for a room, what do you intend to do with it? What if I'm not even sure I have a soul? Then what?

Olivia says...

Hey there, I came across your ad on craigslist. I am 19, been travelling around for the last 4 monthes, hitch hiking around the united states, exploring freedom and finding happiness and many journeys. I make jewelry and sell it on the road wherever I go. I'm currently in new York trying to save up money to buy a van and drive to burning man festival in September.
I am willing to give you my soul in order to stay in a cheap apartment so I can save up money for my travels.

Emily says...

I’m very interested in this proposition. Do you think you might let me know where the souls go once you gather them? Maybe in a Jar, a coffin, or maybe something really cool I don’t even know about. Either way I think you’ve found yourself a new roomie!

Justin says...

Hi, my name is Justin. This is the second time I'm writing to you about the about. I'm very interested in the place and would really like to take you up on what your asking. I work for Red Lobster in the city.

Yan says...

Can we set up a time for me to see the place? Weekdays after 5 would be best for me. Also, would it be possible for me to use a guarantor's soul instead? As a poor hungry grad student, a soul is just among the things I am currently deficient in. Thanks for your time!

Linh says...

you are a sick person. i like it. are you single? im 23 and a male. im asian and cute xoxo xxxxxxxxxx is my number. im coming to manhattan thursday and friday.

Senem says...

Dear Soul Collector,

Just when I have been yearning for my personal Mephistopheles, I find you on craigslist of all places. Unfortunately, I was not too pleased with your offer. Considering the fact that I have spent the last month on my friend's couch (and will possibly spend this one on it as well), I should have been ecstatic and unrealistically hopeful about your offer but I had to settle for mild disappointment. I realize housing is a tough issue that everyone has to deal with in this city, but is only a room worth anyone's soul let alone mine? No, sir. And your end of the bargain does not seem to bright either. You don't even have a soul criteria, something like:

- Non-narcissist a must
- Awareness of one's surroundings desirable
- Non-religious preferred but not required

In this day and age, you can't just buy everything that comes across, and hope that it'll work out for the best. You probably collected some pretty rotten souls already, why get more? Devise a soul collecting system to rule out the undesirables, and add in a few more goodies to your offer other than vague money borrowing advantages.

Eric says...

What happens to me if I sell my soul?

Katie says...

Nice ad. I’d absolutely sell you my soul, or whatever remains of it if it exists at all. I’m 27 F, work on the UES, tidy but not freakishly neat, likes crossword puzzles, nonsmoking drinker.

John says...

Despite being one of the most bizarre craigslist postings I've seen since the couple who would frequently kick the renter out so they could host BDSM parties, I just might be interested. I'll need a place to stay starting July 1st, and $300 a month just can't be beat. Any more info you can give? I've got a month to figure this out. Oh, and I have no problem with selling my soul.

William says...

I'm not moving to the city until August, but it seems like you might have another opening by then. I currently have possession of a soul that I acquired a few years back in exchange for a black hoodie. I also have a fairly impressive charm bag.

Wes says...

I have a few brief questions regarding your Craig's list posting. I am very interested in your offer.

1. How would the terms of the contract be altered considering I only have a partial soul? I rented exactly 1/3 of my soul to a previous renter. However, I did not sign that contract in blood. Is the contract still binding?

2. Is religious affiliation of any importance?

3. What assurances can be made that my soul would be kept securely in your possession?

Kelly says...

Hi this is Faust, I am interested in your offer. Please let me know
when I can see the room. thanks.

1 comment:

  1. Wow, these are hysterical! I cannot believe people actually fall for these.. I am going to keep my eye out for you on Craigslist from now on :)

    It's funny, I was doing a search for Craigslist via google and found your blog. I also found another one that was quite funny.. you should check it out if you get a chance, maybe some of your crazy posts are on there? Actually I bet a few might be, since the blogger posts about weird ads.

    Keep it up, it's entertaining!